The only funeral our teenage daughter had ever attended was when she was 3 years old. Her fish, Shark Bait, died. We held a funeral service in our bathroom and sent our beloved fishy friend to heaven via the indoor plumbing.
Everyone has their own way of processing the loss of a loved one. I have a hard time with funerals, while my husband prefers to process his grief by attending and with fellowship.
Earlier this year, we lost my husband’s beautiful grandma a week after her 93rd birthday. We adored her. Our daughter shares her birthday and love for chocolate cake. We were not sure how our daughter might respond to attending her first real funeral.
Before the service, we explained what would happen and that there would be an open casket. We gave her a chance to share how she felt to reassure her. She looked up at me and said, “I’m nervous about all the people who will touch my hair and tell me how they remember me as a baby. I don’t know who they are.“ I honestly thought she was going to be upset or creeped out; instead, she gave a very honest teenage response.
I was relieved that she didn’t seem scared. Maybe we did a good job of making death not seem so scary, or maybe she is a typical teenager worrying about teenage things. What I do know is we gave her an opportunity to process in her own way and helped her see the bright spots in a very difficult day.
During the funeral, she was sweet and supportive towards her dad. We got to see a new level of maturity shine through that rough teenage exterior. It was heartwarming. As a family, we were inspired by the incredible outpouring of love from family, friends, and the community.
For more information on helping children with grief and loss, check out CHKD’s Take10! Positive Parenting Tips video Grieving and Growing.
