Coping with Crying

Parenting Resources and Community Outreach

Parents know their newborns will cry, but many are surprised by how much crying they hear. During the first three months of life, a healthy newborn’s fussy periods can add up to two or three hours a day.

Crying is one way your baby communicates. It’s their way of letting you know they need you. Always respond promptly. Don’t worry about whether you are spoiling your baby by going to them every time they cry. You can’t spoil a baby at this early age (the first 3 months).

Check to see if your baby is crying because they are hungry, wet, hot, cold, tired, lonely, bored, or in pain. Sometimes changing your baby’s position or diaper or just a little cuddling may be all they need. Your comforting touch or the sound of your voice may make them more comfortable. Wrapping them snugly in a blanket (not too tightly) may help. But leave your baby’s hands free so they can get them to their mouth for sucking.

Some babies have long crying spells lasting several hours. When there is no medical problem, this type of crying is often called “colic.” If your baby is fussy and cannot be consoled, discuss the problem with your pediatrician. If there are no medical reasons for the crying, your baby will get through this period by about 12 weeks of age. 

Since heavy crying often takes place in the evening when parents are tired and their coping skills may have worn thin, it’s important to have a plan to deal with the situation. Plan how you are going to console your baby and how you are going to help yourself get through the situation as well.

These tips can help you cope.

• Try not to take your baby’s tears personally. Crying is a natural instinct for babies. In fact, it’s one way babies communicate! (e.g., hunger, fear, pain, a need for closeness.)
• Don’t worry that you’ll spoil your baby if you comfort them every time they cry. Your comfort offers reassurance and helps them develop the ability to trust.
• To comfort a crying baby, first see if they are wet, hungry, or just needs a blanket. If that doesn’t work, try holding baby close to you, rocking, walking or singing softly to them. If they're still fussing, try putting them down in her crib and patting their back or rubbing their cheek. If they begins to settle down within a few minutes, they may simply be telling you it’s nap time.
• Hold your baby close to your body and walk or rock them 
  while talking or singing softly.
• While sitting, lay your baby face down across your knees, 
  gently patting their back.
• Try a wind-up bed or swing to rock your baby to sleep.
• Play soft music or turn on the dryer or vacuum cleaner.
• Take your baby for a stroller ride or car ride.

If none of these tips work, lay your baby down gently in their crib and walk away for a few minutes to see if they’ll calm down on their own.

For infants 3 months and under, try:

• Swaddle your baby snugly in a big, thin blanket (42 inches square) during fussy times and to help the baby sleep. Snug swaddling provides continuous touching and supports the infant’s sense of security.
• Side/stomach hold. Place your baby on the left side to assist in digestion or on the stomach to provide reassuring support. Never leave your newborn alone on the side or stomach. Infants should always be placed on their backs to sleep.
• Shushing sounds imitate the continual whooshing sound made by the blood flowing through arteries near the womb and provide the baby comfort. Try a strong five-second “shush” close to the baby’s ear, and once the fussiness lessens, lower the intensity.
• Swinging. Newborns are used to the swinging motions within their mother’s womb. Fussy babies calm fastest with quick, tiny movements like a rocking motion an inch or so back and forth. Support the baby’s neck and head. Rocking, car rides, and other swinging or swaying movements all can help. Never shake a baby!
• Sucking has effects deep within the nervous system, triggers the calming reflex, and releases natural calming chemicals within the brain. Allow your baby to breast feed or suck on your finger. Avoid pacifiers until your baby is nursing really well.

Take care of yourself, as well:

It’s normal to have mixed feelings about babies when they cry. You may feel overwhelmed, burned out, depressed, tired, frustrated, irritable, angry, and even afraid. Never take these feelings out on your baby. Try the following instead:

• Realize that being with a newborn is very stressful. Get as much rest as you can when your baby naps. Allow a trusted friend or family member to babysit while you recharge your batteries. Baby yourself a little, too!
• If you ever feel so frustrated that you fear you might hit or shake your baby, put the baby down in the crib and walk into another room. It’s OK to let a baby cry for a few minutes while you pull yourself together.
• Ask your pediatrician about a parent support group.